Naruto and The Urban Dictionary
by chronicxxinsanity
Summary: A shmacked Genma, un-caffinated Iruka, fatimals, and rendezbooze...the products of Naruto characters mixed with words and definitions from the Urban Dictionary. One-shots containing various characters and plots.
1. Caffeine Window

Author's Note: This is what happens when I want a challenge, but no one gives me one. :) I've taken several words from Urban Dictionary, and written one-shots on the definitions.

Warnings/Interesting Things: This will contain many different characters, so the ones listed aren't necessarily the ones that will be in the spotlight. Many of these will also contain swearing or adult themes like drinking (yes...because it's Urban Dictionary), so the rating is safely placed accordingly. These aren't meant to be extremely in depth looks at the characters personality - they're short and to the point, so don't complain about the lengths. They'll all be longer than 200 words, but there isn't really a cap on how long they can get.

If you'd like to do this challenge, please give me a little credit as the person who thought of it.

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><p><strong>Caffeine Window<strong>

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><p><em><strong>A daily time slot in which you must have some form of caffeine, otherwise you will get a headache. No amount of caffeine after this window will cure the headache. A common ailment of coffee addicts who need their morning fix before they can function properly.<strong>_

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><p>Iruka Umino raced through the building, effectively tossing people out of the way and waving a coffee mug with the words 'Best Sensei Ever' painted on the side in a lopsided scrawl. Surprisingly, after being dropped and accidentally kicked into a cement wall, the cup survived, and Iruka was able to continue his rushed pace to his destination.<p>

He glanced at a passing clock before bolting down the hallway even faster than before, pushing past a short ninja with a stack of papers teetering well over his head, and sending the poor man to the floor in a mess of scrolls and papers.

Iruka would have to apologize later. Right now, he was on a mission.

He took the stairs three at a time, holding onto the rail as he swung around the corner for some added momentum, trusty coffee mug held in his tight grip. He couldn't afford to drop it and run after it again – there wasn't enough time. _He was almost there!_

_Almost there! Almost there! Almost-_

Flying around the corner a little too fast, Iruka wasn't able to skid to a stop quite in time, and felt his face slam into the unforgiving chest of Maito Gai. Iruka, still on a mission, was quick to jump to his feet and dismiss Gai's apologizes - and then he saw it. The clock in the center of the hallway placed over the door frame of the break room to remind everyone what time it was – and to hopefully reduce the amount of lateness that wasn't caused by sheer stubbornness.

_I'm almost too late!_ Iruka flew around Gai towards the break room, kicking down the door and startling anyone inside. At the moment, he didn't care that he had probably given Izumo and Kotetsu a heart attack, and that he had most definitely shoved a confused-looking Ebisu out of the way. He was almost there. He _had_ to get there in time.

Iruka came skidding to a halt in front of the dented and stained counter and glanced once more at the clock, praying that he had made it.

With an irritated groan, Iruka slammed his coffee mug on the counter and earned a few peels of laughter from the people in the break room who knew of Iruka's caffeine addiction.

He was too late. He missed it.

His caffeine window had come and gone, and the rest of the day which once appeared perfectly normal (if a little on the warm side) took a turn for the worst. His head would be wracked with constant aches and no amount of caffeine now would fix that. Turning to send a glare to the laughing ninja behind him, he found the break room empty. Apparently, they were well-aware of the dangers of an Iruka who had missed his caffeine window.

With another annoyed growl, Iruka shoved his coffee mug into the cupboard under the coffee machine, and stomped off to his first, miserable shift of the day.


	2. Fatimals

**Fatimals**

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><p><em><strong>Fat animals, generally pets.<strong>_

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><p>"Pakkun, this isn't a really easy thing to say, but I think someone needs to point it out." Kakashi scratched the back of his head, something that his ninja dog had taken to mean he was embarrassed or nervous, and didn't want to be standing in front of the small pug having this conversation. Pakkun tilted his head to the side, but didn't interrupt. "I'm putting you on an extra exercise routine."<p>

"I...don't understand, boss." Pakkun tilted his head a little more, studying Kakashi with a keen eye. Another scratch to the head – still nervous.

"I'm putting you on an extra exercise routine. Walking or jogging three times around the village."

"Oh, okay." After a long, awkward silence where both Kakashi and Pakkun found interest in anything but each other, Pakkun coughed to clear his throat and break the fog-like silence around them. "Um...can I ask why?"

Kakashi sighed and glanced up at the sky. He wasn't scratching his head, but by the tilt of his eyebrow, Pakkun concluded that he was no less embarrassed than before.

"Pakkun..." The name was said with such hesitancy that the pug wasn't sure he wanted to hear what came next. "You're becoming a fatimal."

Pakkun's rather expressionless-face didn't give away his surprise. "A what?"

"A fatimal."

"And a fatimal is..."

"A fat animal."

There was another, much longer and much more awkward pause where Pakkun stared down at his paws. Sure, he had put on a bit of weight, but was it really that noticeable? His short legs _were_ looking a little chubby, and the blue material tied around his stomach was feeling a little tight lately. And maybe that food remark made by the snooty Pomeranian down the street was aimed at him instead of the scrawny bloodhound, as the rest of the ninken convinced him.

Kakashi looked down at his surprisingly chubby pug with a bit of pity. The dog obviously hadn't known about this before – although _how_ he didn't know about it was beyond him – and there was a look of confusion in the way his eyebrows drew together on his chubby, chubby face.

"Do I have to give up that food you get from the pet store by the Academy?" Pakkun suddenly asked, worried about giving up his favorite treat.

Kakashi suddenly smiled at the little dog, relieved that he wasn't going to have to force the pup into an exercise routine against his will.

"If you exercise, you can keep the food."


End file.
